It's been forever since I really opened-up about what I've been feeling for the past few months. And I must say that I am really scared to do so. Everything I seem to say or do eventually back-bites me and leaves me speechless. I was born controversial. But do you know what I've leaned since I was away from everyone? It's not about how heavy the problem is... its how long you carry the problem with you. The burden it gives you. And the only time you can really feel relieved from everything is when you're finally ready to admit your problems and share it for people to listen and understand. So now, I feel like I have to say everything or else I will regret not saying this. Well okay at least some of it.
My First Valentine,
I must say I haven't been the most patient, but you know deep in your heart I loved you. I loved you more than myself. And each time you tell me how special I am to you, gives me more reasons to prove it. We must admit though that we handled everything miserably. We were like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie of the whole school. People were talking about us...dissecting every single thing that's happening between us. I was virtually invisible before we met, and ever since we started going out, more people are talking sh*ts about me. But I didn't care right? Cause I would go through all that just to prove you how much I truly love you.
I wouldn't forget how I told you that you gave me my heart back. Just last night I read the blog I made before about an adventure to some place. And I just smiled. Cause under that mask are tears ready to fall. When I heard you were going out with someone, I told myself " Hoy, oh 'di ba ang tanga mo?" . And I tried to be happy for you. I really did. But as time goes by, the mask is slowly fading. And maybe it's safe to say that I'm really not over you. I thought I was, but I'm not. Seeing pictures of you with someone else, seeing you happy, your smile... And do you know the funniest thing about this? Is that whenever I receive a text from you or a PM, I'm so excited to reply. And sometimes, I message you not because I really want to ask something, I just miss you. And reading your expressions even thru text is enough for me. Cause I can imagine you saying that to me anyway.
And the songs that I wrote? Probably three of them are for you. You made it hard for me to move on. But you know what, It'll all get better in time. And even though I was the one who eventually pulled away from us, I can now say that I was stupid. And the only consolation prize that I got? Was the assurance that you'll stay happy. Maybe not with me, but with someone better than I was. And even though it breaks my heart seeing you with someone else, it also gives me the courage to stand up and say that leaving you was one of my greatest mistakes in life. After all, you were my first valentine.
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